agentlelog | open | like a B- for effort

Entry tags:

open | like a B- for effort

Who: ya boy emil and you
When: now, later, etc
Where: queen's residence, around town, a farm somewhere
What: some influence jobs and a general prompt
Warnings: he may cry eventually

loren's lament

[Let the record show: Emil and any kind of paperwork have never gotten along swimmingly. He barely scraped through school and has a personal vendetta against reading for work, so this? This is honestly his worst idea to date, letting himself get roped into reading for work!!! for this Loren person. What's in it for him, he mumbles mostly to himself, but he's still doing it.

Like, not very well. But he's sitting behind a messy stack of papers, now mumbling mostly to himself about how "sort by severity" is completely subjective? For example, he has no vested interest in the rippling effects of recent upheavals on local businesses, but apparently a lot of people do! Wow! Amazing!

For the third time in an hour, he sighs loudly. Hi, you're here, so please give his woes your attention.]

This is dreadful. Does he really read all of these when no one else is here?

[Who READS??]

shock it 2 me

[The only reason Emil is even trying to help with the livestock problem is because... well. Honestly, it's because the thought of sad farm animals made him deeply upset and he was compelled to come help. What this means for the job, however, is that an overly-emotional tiny dude has become attached to at least one farm animal (like, a cute baby goat, probably) in between complaining about how the animals seem to want to follow him around and chew on various bits of his clothing.

And then, tragedy of tragedies, his favorite baby goat goes missing and he is deeply distraught. Now, at last, he is inspired to take action.

Of course, he's terrible at Craft, so his misguided attempts to do anything resembling an electric fence keep ending with him giving himself a huge dose of static electricity. Is nothing easy?]

stylish yet irresponsible use of stipend

[Or: who blew their whole stipend on clothes instead of budgeting for food? This guy. On the one hand, he can dress like a local on a whim now! That's exciting! The clothes aren't incredibly great, but they're not terrible. He's managing.

He's also incredibly hungry, which is starting to get embarrassing hours and hours after breakfast. Please feed him, or at least humor him when he very abruptly begins a Casual Conversation (hint: he's bad at this one):]

How do people get jobs here? Just wondering.

misc

[hello what do you want to do? i'm probably on board with it. you can send me a pm or pp to jojoveller with ideas or just tag wildly!! dark knights is the only job emil won't do... and for my own sake i'd like to limit job threads to 2 per job so i can handle them!! thank you

feel free to find him being terrible at magic practice or whining about morning training, etc, i am really open.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[If Lalli would admire his offer to buy him fancy dinner and appropriately set him up to introduce his envelope of loose cash, Emil would really appreciate that. He isn't going to complain about what he gets, far from it— but he had a whole plan here! Lalli already had to be asleep when he came in, so it was probably not going to shake out precisely how he wanted from the start, but this is... well.

This, he's finding, is something else he... wants? It's comfortable, being like this— being with Lalli like this. He's not about to go around touching people's faces indiscriminately! But this is... nice. Part of him wonders if Lalli is going to suddenly slither off the bed, or roll away into the wall or something. He would rather that not happen, if he has any say in it.

As long as Lalli stays where he is and lets Emil stay where he is, then he can say odd non-sequiturs like "you're warm" all he wants. Um, yes? Of course he's warm.]

Oh, yes, well-spotted.

[This boy? Ridiculous. Emil feels his heart skip a beat, stuttering over itself when Lalli's fingers brush again over his skin. Lalli has spent days in his mind, and yet there's something decidedly special about even this much contact between them.

He doesn't know. He'll think about it later. He knows this: he's warm, and Lalli's hand against his cheek is incredibly distracting, and Lalli's hair is a mess from sleep and running around the whole city or wherever. It's cool, Emil knows what to do about one of these things; he runs his fingers through the hair that frames Lalli's face on that side, then moves to smooth down another part.

That's normal, if a decidedly different normal than touching anybody's faces. Hmm.]

So are you? Why are you looking at me like that? [Don't answer that, actually-] Well, what do you want to eat? I haven't seen you all day.

[Semi-related items: praise his dinner fund, and commit to Emil Time. It's been several hours and he's needy.]

["Oh, yes, well-spotted." Pfft. Would dream!Emil say such a stupid thing? Yet another odd little detail for Lalli to dully ponder, even as Emil finally—finally—begins fixing his hair. This attention is, without a doubt, better than fake cake; this is half of what he's been waiting for this entire dream, but while he feels a certain sense of satisfaction, that doesn't stop him from wondering why everything feels so... off.

He's dumb, you know? Dumb and every bit as distracted as Emil, thanks to those fingers working their way through his hair. No, that part isn't new, but this two-way contact definitely is; it makes him feel almost... sluggish, like he's watching his hand slide up to Emil's temple in slow motion. He just wants to brush a bit of that hair out of the way, see, in order to better study Emil's stupid, stupid face, because obviously he's trying to see what seems wrong here? Duh. He'll move on to the more important thing here, after his brain slowly gets to that point. Food... something, something, all day...]

Cinnamon rolls, [he absentmindedly offers, still focused on brushing that hair away from those eyes.] ...Cake.

[This is the dream dinner of all normal twenty-somethings, what are you talking about. Anyway, as things begin slowly falling into place—hmm. All day can mean all kinds of thing in the dream world, but...]

I saw everyone else? Together. [Well, some of them, but.] I didn't know where you were.

[Is that a hint of suspicion in his voice? He's getting there. 3... 2... 1.5...]

[They can probably afford a nice actual meal, not just cake. Emil sees the merit in blowing all his money on dessert, like Lalli has already set the bar for, but he needs... something less doughy in his diet... fewer carbs. One meal with less bread and bread-like products, please.

But that comes later, whenever they stop doing this and actually get up to go find food. He could probably sit here and fix Lalli's hair for another hour, but that's - not ideal, maybe? Lalli is talking about things that really do not make sense, but it's fine, because he just woke up, so clearly he's just telling Emil about his dream without bothering to specify it was a dream.

Don't worry. Emil has some important context clues here to help him figure it out. He hums, absorbed in what he's doing with Lalli's hair, but he's still listening!]

I was out. Was I not supposed to be? If you wanted me to come back before you went to sleep, you should have said something.

[.....ah, darn, that was a great lead-in to his stack of money and then he said that domestic nonsense instead. Dang!!]

[Playing hairdresser salon for fifteen minutes while receiving copious amounts of compliments would be ideal—if this was, you know, an actual dream. This, however, is real life, something that slowly dawns on Lalli as he listens to Emil's prattle. He was supposed to say something? In a dream, when he didn't even know where this fake Emil was in the first place? Unless, of course, "should have said something" means...

...Oh? Oh. Lalli immediately freezes, eyes widening the as all of those clues finally click into place. Of course Emil hasn't seen him all day; Lalli went off on his own after breakfast. Of course Emil feels warm to the touch? Of course everything about this is incredibly, mind-bogglingly strange, beeeeeecause—]

This is... real? [A beat, and then, oh-so quietly:] You're not a dream...

[This dream person is a REAL person, whose face his hand is still... totally brushing against. Aha. Suddenly that warmth burns more than it comforts, and Lalli lets the last bit of Emil's hair fall right through his fingers.]

Ah—

[What Is He Supposed To Do? Other than, you know, put his hand back on Emil's cheek and consider shoving him all the way a w a y when he gets his shit together. For now, a gentle, ineffective little... push.]

[What's this? "You're not a dream"? That's— that certainly is a thing Lalli has just said, here in reality. Emil pauses, raising an eyebrow and giving him a thoughtful look. No, he's fairly certain that he's real...]

How tired were you?

[...Because really, that's all that occurs to Emil immediately. Lalli's been giving him soft looks and touching his hair because he's still sleepy, and that's very sweet and endearing of him, and sooner or later it will sink in for Emil that Lalli, like... has dreams about him? Specifically, Lalli has dreams about him where he does this, which he may be doing in reality right this second, but it's different if Lalli is dreaming about it! Isn't it?

He's thinking about that, or at least vaguely approaching thinking about that when Lalli barely pushes his face. Emil blinks down at him, a cold kind of disappointment already settling in the pit of his stomach. Is that... that?

He's not done playing hairdresser salon, himself, but since he does that all the time he figures he can just sit up a little straighter and keep smoothing Lalli's hair back idly. This is fine. All fine! He clears his throat. He's certainly a bit red; ignore it.]

Okay, I can see your point. [What point?? The push to his face, which surely means Lalli wants his personal bubble back now.] Anyway, I do have some more money now.

[Lalli was exhausted, clearly, because that is the only possible reason for him acting so foolish. Like, he isn't completely clueless; he recognizes that touching Emil's face while Emil ran fingers through his hair was, hmm, a New and Very Interesting thing, but more importantly... even when the level of contact increased, he never felt the urge to flinch away from it. Why is that? And why did he want to touch Emil's stupid face in the first place?

Ugh, ugh, ugh. There's a vague sense that he's done something incomprehensibly strange, a vague worry that he's messed some unknown thing up, but as he continues watching Emil—well, he's still here? Face oddly red as he continues fussing with Lalli's hair, and that's... something. Maybe. It's enough for Lalli to lower his hand, at least, as he tries to shove aside every last confusing feeling. He... made it weird, and for once in his life he's uncomfortably aware of this fact.]

...Aha.

[That's the most normal thing he can offer here, which is followed by a brief pause before he finally tries to... wiggle down out of reach, even though a surprisingly large part of him doesn't want to move an inch. He's just not sure? How to process all of this right now? The best thing to do would be to take things back to the way they should be, the way Emil probably wants things to be - and of course he doesn't even stop to think how silently ducking away from Emil's touch is going to make Emil feel.]

[Ah— oh, alright. Lalli's hand pulling away from him for real confirms for Emil that this is officially done happening. It isn't the best feeling, all things considered. Did one or both of them make this weird? It was just fine until Lalli realized it was actually happening, a thing Emil cannot possibly understand right now while he's trying very hard not to abruptly stand and leave the room, perhaps to panic in the bathroom about how embarrassing this suddenly is.

Okay. Okay! He's good! He's fine, this is... going back to normal. "Normal" apparently does not include touching Lalli's hair anymore, which also is not the best feeling. That one might even be worse on the scale of awkwardness. Emil draws his hand back toward himself just a little, glancing down at Lalli— but ah, the look on his face more or less confirms that all things Emil(tm) are not in high demand right now.

Cool... great. He puts his hand on his leg and drums his fingers, casually. He isn't embarrassed at all.

He looks over at the door; the door isn't giving him confused and tragic looks. He can make eye contact with the door right now.]

Sorry, sorry. I didn't mean... Well, we can go out to eat later, if you want.

[Should he... go?? Maybe he should go. Panicking in the bathroom is starting to sound better and better.]

Go back to sleep! I'll come find you when it's dinner time!

[On the one hand, Emil pulling his hand back makes a bit of this uncomfortable pressure disappear; on the other hand, though, something about seeing Emil look away like that is... mmph. Lalli busies himself with sitting upright, making a concerted effort not to think about this new level of awkwardness, but it's impossible. He wants Emil to look at him? Always? Even when things are like... this, because Emil is—

Nope! Nope, nope, nope. Suddenly Emil isn't the only person in this room itching to make a run for the door; it's why Lalli scoots on down to the foot of the bed, a healthy distance away from Emil, before forcing himself to his feet. Go back to sleep? He couldn't even if he wanted to, Emil. Not when he's feeling so many conflicting things at once.]

No? I—

[I'll, uh, find you? Maybe that's what he was hoping to say before he looks at Emil's face and abruptly turns away. He wants... out! As much as he dislikes this city, he'd much rather be running through the streets than, you know, standing here wondering what in the world he should say and/or do. Things are better when he's with Emil—usually, anyway—but things are undeniably simpler when he's alone.

So—who's leaving first? Lalli, probably, because running away from things he doesn't understand is, like, Lalli's favorite hobby. But right before he pops out the door, Lalli pauses, chancing one last, quick glance back Emil's way. Should he... say something now?]

I'll... be back. [Soon? No—] Later.

[Before dinner, after dinner—who knows! It's an awkward attempt at... something, sure, before he ducks out into the hallway. Time to continue working on the mantal map of his as he tries to sort through... everything...]

[Cool, even better, this went so south so abruptly that Lalli would rather not be in here at all! Great! Emil blinks, watching as he gets up and goes. He wants to say something else, but he can't think of anything that wouldn't be... ridiculous, really. What should he say in a situation like this? "Sorry, I didn't mean to weird you out, you're just very special and I don't know what else to do about it"?

That would go over sooo smoothly. So that's that; he shakes his head briefly, lifting his hands in a not quite placating gesture. Please, don't give him that look! He's fine!]

Alright, alright. I'll see you later.

[Ugh. ...UGGGHHH. Now that leaves Emil here alone with his stupid envelope and no Lalli, which is the worst case scenario. There's no point in celebrating his myriad (pitiful) cash bucks without Lalli here, after all... There's nothing left for Emil to do but sulk.

So, sulk he does, while Lalli is off doing whatever it is he does out in the city. Emil Sulks, and while he's sulking, he thinks - about whatever just happened there, about Lalli's abrupt departure, about the confusing question of Lalli having normal dreams and what's in them. He gets nothing done doing this, rest assured; he's not any less or more confused when he finally gives up.

It's just... Well, he only wants Lalli here, that's all. It seems very simple when he thinks about it like that— if the two of them could just be here and happy about it, without the awkwardness or the sinking feeling Emil gets each time he remembers the look on Lalli's face when he half-heartedly pushed him away...

It would just be better!! He's going to make it better, because Emil Västerström does not simply give up on his broody Finn. He's already learned this lesson, so after... a decent amount of time, apparently, when Lalli doesn't come back (or at least, Emil doesn't notice if he does; he wouldn't put it past Lalli to slink in after he's already asleep and leave before he wakes up), his Resolve is raring to go. Maybe some of this resolve is to scold Lalli for disappearing like this, because it's incredibly bad for his heart, but by the time Emil uses the mind threads or whatever to find Lalli and nudge him until he's paying attention, his heart isn't in that part anymore.

So!!]

You have to stop ignoring me now! I'm sorry about yesterday, [Hmm, feels bad, moving on,] but soon this is going to be ridiculous!

[It already is. A pause, then, with less Demanding:] I— hmm. Well, I missed you this morning. You're the only good thing in this stupid city. Are you coming back soon?

[Lalli enjoys a thrilling night out on the town... except that he doesn't, of course. Not really. There's nothing particularly fun about running down street after street; there is, however, something cathartic about settling into a steady sort of rhythm. This is when his scout training should kick in, when he should work on scanning buildings and mapping out various paths, but what usually comes so easily to him suddenly seems... out of reach. Other things are demanding his attention, you see, and he finds himself focusing less on his surroundings and more on the question of why, exactly, he did what he did. Where did that urge even come from? Why is Emil the one person he sometimes wants to be... close to? He's spent twenty years building up wall after wall, only to let Emil, like, waltz right past all of them just to fix his hair.

...It's weird! That's the best he's got, honestly, so it's little wonder he's frustrated when he finally slinks back to the Queen's residence at some unseemly hour. He could slip into Emil's room—well, their room—without saying a word to Emil, but for some reason, the thought of seeing Emil at this point in time is... mmph. It's much, much better to just head for one of the many unused rooms he's poked through and rest there. At least that way he's free to think without distraction! To eventually sleep without worrying about what to say or what to do.

Until, you know, the next morning, when he's up and awake and fully aware that he should go find Emil. ...And that he wants to find Emil. Maybe, just maybe, enough time has passed for things to have settled? Probably... not. Hmm. That knowledge is what keeps Lalli in this dusty, empty room of his for the better part of the morning, staring out of the window while he avoids thinking about... going back? About watching Emil once again look at anything and everything but him. He's making great progress—and then Emil just has to reach out to him.

Well, it would be a lie to say that it isn't a relief? It's been less than a day since they last spoke, yes, and Emil's tone is initially less than pleasant, but as Emil continues on—ah, what a surprising thing to hear. What a wonderful thing to hear. As uncertain as he is about absolutely everything else, he can't help but to feel... pleased. Pleased, and slightly guilty, and, above all else, incredibly fond of this familiar voice, but he still takes a minute to turn those words over and over again in his mind. Emil missed him... Emil thinks that he's the best part of this place...

...Hmm.]

Soon? [A quiet question, followed by a ripple of uncertainty.] ...Maybe.

[And I wasn't ignoring you, he almost says, but there's a pause as he considers other things.]

Why did you apologize? Stupid.

[It's just as quiet as everything that came before? He's trying to keep all of his emotions in check as he reaches back out to Emil, and yet there is something unmistakably... fond... about that last word. A hint of it seeps right into this connection of theirs.]

[Soon: good. Maybe: less good. At least Lalli is talking to him again- sort of, for a given definition of "talking." Emil can't help the sweep of relief that slips through their connection at that. He's lonely without Lalli, which doesn't seem strange to admit; having a friend for the first time ever has spoiled him, see, and all he wants is to keep things the way they were going before.

But yesterday wasn't all bad, he can't help but think. It was quite good, until Lalli freaked out and ran away for the whole goddamn night. It was really good before that...

But okay - here and now, at least Lalli is talking to him again. He can start there.]

Well, you were upset. People apologize when they upset other people.

[You're stupid, he doesn't even start thinking, even if Lalli kind of deserves it. No, no - one of them should be at least somewhat tactful.]

Look, just... it's okay? Come back before dinner, alright?

[He still has that cash and he will use it if it kills them both. Please come home, boy.]

[This dumb boy? This dumb boy. It's a good thing Emil can't see Lalli, like, shoot this look up at the ceiling—not because he's annoyed at Emil, per se, but because he once again has no clue how Emil's mind even works. Was he upset? Yes. Was he upset at Emil? No! Not... really. Anyway, explaining this feels like a monumental chore, especially when things are looking better than they've looked in the past twelve or so hours; he's still expecting the other shoe to drop at any moment, of course, but for the next few minutes at least...

Well! There's a mental nudge of acknowledgement—yes, mom, he'll be back before it gets too dark outside, mom—before he decides to actually use his words.]

...Are you there now?

[Because if he's in the room Lalli doesn't want to come back to it! Except that's, you know, a total lie.]

[Be a good boy and come home to him, what the hell?? This dawdling is stupid just like the both of them. Once Lalli gets back and they have a nice meal, everything will be fine again! This is what Emil is banking on: a nice meal to make things right.

Honestly, precedent is on his side. As long as Lalli doesn't throw the nice meal in his face, they'll be fine.

Anyway, he's been in the room sulking all day, but that's embarrassing, so,]

I just got back! Uhhh, I don't have anywhere else to go, though...?

[They've been sulking on opposite ends of this compound because they're idiots, but listen, Lalli is... trying? He has no idea how to even attempt to fix what (he thinks) is all messed up, because it's not like he even knows what is all messed up, and thus—here he is! Hesitating! Wondering if it's better to let things play out from a distance!

But does he want to see Emil's stupid face... yes, actually. And he'd also like to eat some food, while he's at it, so...]

Ah. [...] Okay.

[They've been here well over a week; Lalli knows the layout of this place like the back of his hand, which is why he knows just how long it's going to take him to walk back to the room even if he, you know, dilly-dallies a bit longer. He has time? He uses this time, too. There's no rushing back to the room just to see his friend, but a little over ten minutes later—well! That sure is the door opening, and that sure is Lalli slowly stepping just inside the room.

...Hello? Good... afternoon? Lalli doesn't really know... what to say as he steps inside, but it's fine; the best strategy is clearly to stare at Emil until he says something.]

[Rushing home would have been more flattering, but alright— ten minutes later Emil is still in the room, but he's managed to get up from sulking on the bed and is doing his best to make it look like he just came back in from outside. He's standing near the chair with his coat thrown over it like he just took it off. He even mussed up his hair to make it look more, uh, windswept...? Like a person who was totally outside would look.

On anyone with half a brain this wouldn't work, but luckily he and Lalli share only one brain cell, so maybe he has a chance. Either way - Lalli! Emil doesn't beam at him like nothing's happened, but he does noticeably perk up when he comes in.

Hello! Hi! Stop staring, you weirdo.]

Hey! [What should he say...? He's already apologized and apparently he didn't have to anyway, so...??] Welcome back.

[Nnno, no, it's lame. Abort mission.]

[A simple greeting... will suffice, because for once it's less about what Emil says and more about how he says it? Like, there's no bright smile to really welcome him back (how sad), but even though Lalli misses ninety percent of social cues, all of this seems genuine. ...And still a wee bit awkward, but.

But. Emil speaking first definitely helps break the ice; Lalli continues studying him for a moment longer, not really caring about the state of Emil's anything—except for that messy hair. Does Emil know? Has Emil seen? He's almost certain that he should just let it go, considering that a) touching Emil caused all of yesterday's problems and b) things are still... a bit touch and go (ha) at the moment, and yet—well. He takes a few more steps forward, telling himself that he's just going over to grab his sweater even as he heads straight for Emil.

Maybe some oh-so small part of him is reminding him that Emil reached out first? Maybe, just maybe, it's reminding him of Emil apologizing, and saying that he missed him, and telling him that he's the best part of being here? Or maybe Lalli slowly, hesitantly reaches up to smooth Emil's hair back into place because it feels like... the right thing to do here. The friendly thing.]

Hmh. [Boy, your hair is a MESS! But also, as he brushes this bit of hair to the side—] ...Hello.

[They're both lame.]

[Oh no, messing up his hair now feels like a completely passive-aggressive thing to have done, he screwed up, he screwed up so bad—!

Or not, because he's getting an affectionate hair-touch-and-greeting that he both feels like he doesn't deserve and feels like he was owed yesterday. He glances up at his own bangs for a moment.]

I... was outside.

[Lamely, and it would still be lame if it were true, but there's his "excuse" for why he looks like such a hot mess. Now as for the rest of this... should he say something? He's glad Lalli is back; he wants him to keep doing this, as it feels like some kind of unspoken assurance that they are, at least, done avoiding each other. But how to address that without being incredibly obvious?

Hmm. Staring at Lalli in silence seems to be the answer, until he gives him a sheepish grin. Ha ha, so, funny story about feelings...]

That's okay, by the way. This. What you're doing, it's... fine.

[Does being more specific help?? Touch his hair at your leisure.]

[Outside. Sure. Luckily for Emil, Lalli isn't thinking about what he may or may not have been up to during his absence; he's too busy making sure that every strand of hair is exactly where it should be, even if his one-handed approach is, uh, rather slow. He doesn't want to risk a hand even grazing Emil's cheek? Not because he doesn't—well, not because he disliked it, which is a Thing he realized after half a day's worth of introspection, but because he wants this to feel... okay.

But while that smile and everything that comes after it should give him all the reassurance he needs—mmph. This is okay. This. It is and is not enough, and Lalli finds himself opening his mouth to say something before just... closing it with a snap. Words are hard? Even at the best of times, truth be told, but there's something, mmm, slightly easier about saying things telepathically; it's why Emil is going to have to deal with Lalli, like, silently returning his stare for a moment, right up until he decides to finally reach out and establish a basic mental link. Then he's avoiding any and all eye contact.]

I know. Your hair is... important? You don't like looking like a bum.

[Ah, so he recalls a throwaway thing Emil told him forever and a day ago. Interesting... but whatever, forget about that immediately as he keeps going.]

Yesterday— [MMPHx2. Hesitationx2, before he busies himself with trying to wrap this hair appointment UP.] ...Hn.

[When you think you should apologize, but you don't know HOW.]

[Oh— hmm, that's not exactly what he was getting at, and also Lalli is back in his head again. That part is fine; it's what he says that's a little sideways from the point.]

Well— that's true, I guess...

[This isn't about his hair! It was never about his hair!! Somehow this is the single hardest point to get across, and he frowns thoughtfully as Lalli looks away, stuck on how to actually express that. Could he just say "oh that wasn't the point, the point is you're very important to me and so I actually quite enjoyed whatever That was yesterday"?

Hah. Not a chance!!]

Lalli... Don't worry about it. But don't run away for a whole night again!

[Leave it to Lalli to misunderstand things centering around other people, especially when they're, you know, actually incredibly important. Like, he looks back Emil's way and sees that Emil is no longer smiling, so obviously yesterday's face-touching fiasco was not... the right thing to even barely bring up? Ugh. Maybe the way to make it better is to just... let it go...

Well, he can definitely do that! He will never bring up or attempt face-touching again, The End, especially not after Emil tells him that he can't do something that he should be able to do. Like, please? He's a scout? Hmm, yes, he's pulling his hand away now.]

Why? I knew what I was doing. I was fine.

[Now we're obviously venturing into testy territory...]

[Oh my god, Lalli. Buddy. Emil can recognize that he's on thin ice here, he speaks Lalli(tm) that well, at least— but he doesn't speak Letting It Go, so this one he isn't going to awkwardly laugh off and change the subject away from. Get ready, he's going to assert himself.]

Okay, but I wasn't. Were you listening to me?

[He worried! And not about Lalli's scouting ability, please, he has other things like friendship and feelings to worry about. He knows Lalli isn't going to get himself killed wandering around at night. Jeez!]

I really don't know what else you want me to say.

[How many times must a boy be soft about his feelings before it sticks!]

[Some people read too deeply into things; Lalli doesn't read deeply enough, which is why all of... this is strange and confusing and frustrating. Of course he was listening! He knows what Emil just said, remembers everything that Emil has said, but! But!!

Okay, so maybe what it all boils down to is the fact that Lalli, himself, doesn't know what he wants to hear here? He wants Emil to tell him that everything that happened yesterday is fine and he wants Emil to pretend like yesterday never happened; he wants Emil to tell him nice things again while smoothing down his hair, now that they're actually face-to-face, and he wants Emil to only talk about normal things that don't stir up weird feelings he doesn't understand. He is, in short, A Mess.

But while his first reaction is to snap back... well, the only thing he definitely knows at this moment is that he doesn't want to be mad at Emil, and that he doesn't want Emil to be mad at him, so. There's a pause here, and even though Lalli looks less than thrilled... at least he's not, like, outright scowling as he tries to think of how to handle this.]

I don't know! Everything feels weird, and I don't like it. [Slightly snippy, but—HMM, hold up, let him try this again even as his hands creep up toward his own face.] But it's my fault? I think. Because of yesterday. You say it's okay, but it's not.

[The Fake Dream! Gods. Another beat, then, before he haltingly continues with:]

I thought you weren't real, and... I upset you, so I should... apologize. For what I did.

[Touching faces and running away—dastardly deeds. Anyway, that's the apology rule Emil laid out not too long ago, yes? Is he right? Does THIS make everything better? He Is Trying.]

[Oh boy, is communication tough or what. Emil is so glad they decided to do this before he tries dragging Lalli out to eat dinner in public like a pair of bonafide real people. Really, that's honest; if this had to happen, better here, in the privacy of their own room. And it... probably does have to happen. They're on such different wavelengths about this laughably simple thing that happened yesterday&madsh; ten minutes, tops, and now they've been dealing with the fallout for a whole day.

Truly, communication is the hardest thing Emil has ever done. He wants nothing more than to run his fingers through Lalli's hair- you know, in like, a friend way- and tell him that everything really is fine, and have him believe it. That would be perfect! But that's not what's happening here. He's not even sure which things aren't okay, if he's being honest...

He has this much: there was definitely that weird bit about him being a dream, and then Lalli literally ran away from him. Are these the things that aren't okay? It's the best he can do.]

For... running away for a whole night?

[That part? The thing that was actually wrong? He can no longer restrain himself from reaching up to touch his fingertips to Lalli's... wrist; do not hide behind these hands, boy.]

I'm not mad at you, you know. Yesterday, I thought... uh.

[Oof, how does one do this? Give him a second.]

I thought it was nice?

[For running, for making things weird, for apparently continuing to make things weird—man, even Lalli doesn't know. He's used to avoiding situations like this? To, you know, walking away and/or shutting down when things get to be Too Much, but that light touch to his wrist... grounds him, in a strange sort of way. It's not enough contact to cause him to involuntarily flinch away; it's just enough contact to remind him that he's here with Emil, the one person who... stays. Tries.

So while slipping his hands over his ears and pretending like nothing is happening would be the easy way out of this... mmmnope. He leaves them right where they are as he sends Emil, like, the equivalent of mental static, because it is and it isn't about running away; he's not sure how to properly express it, so he's going to just stand here and say nothing until he hears what, exactly, Emil thought about yesterday. It was bad? It was weird? It was...

...Huh. Well. Goodbye, tight expression; hello, look of slowly dawning surprise, because, um. Aha. His eyes slide right back over to Emil.]

But... I touched you? [The "You JUST touched me" is coming, he can feel it, so, even though it's a weird (embarrassing?) thing to clarify... and even though he's gone way over his daily word limit... UGH.] Your... face.

[Not a big deal for Emil, but consider: touching can be a big deal for Lalli. Isn't not wanting people to touch your face, like? Normal??]

Edited 2019-03-19 06:37 (UTC)

[Alright— he's considering this a breakthrough, if only because Lalli stays and looks slightly less uncomfortable about the whole conversation. It still leaves Emil in the uniquely awkward position of having to explain in words why touching his face was a nice thing, and that isn't something he thought he'd have to do considering how often he himself puts his hands all over Lalli's hair, but - alright! He's doing this!]

You— yes.

[There, he's done. Yes. It was Good. The end. No, alright-]

It was nice... because it was you. You looked happy and that made me really happy.

[It's basic, but it's the truth, and who could expect anything else from the boy who makes such incredible leaps as "wow I'm so happy we can talk, what's your dramatic backstory?" Plus, keeping it this basic is probably for the best...

He doesn't grab Lalli's wrist but rather curls his fingers around his wrist lightly, not even a whole grip. Very easy to break! He's learning right now, live! Take this gently affectionate wrist touch and Understand.]

I like knowing that you think about me. Does that make sense?

[This is as close as he'll get to acknowledging The Dream right now, for everyone's sake.]

open | like a B- for effort

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