agentlelog | open | like a B- for effort

Entry tags:

open | like a B- for effort

Who: ya boy emil and you
When: now, later, etc
Where: queen's residence, around town, a farm somewhere
What: some influence jobs and a general prompt
Warnings: he may cry eventually

loren's lament

[Let the record show: Emil and any kind of paperwork have never gotten along swimmingly. He barely scraped through school and has a personal vendetta against reading for work, so this? This is honestly his worst idea to date, letting himself get roped into reading for work!!! for this Loren person. What's in it for him, he mumbles mostly to himself, but he's still doing it.

Like, not very well. But he's sitting behind a messy stack of papers, now mumbling mostly to himself about how "sort by severity" is completely subjective? For example, he has no vested interest in the rippling effects of recent upheavals on local businesses, but apparently a lot of people do! Wow! Amazing!

For the third time in an hour, he sighs loudly. Hi, you're here, so please give his woes your attention.]

This is dreadful. Does he really read all of these when no one else is here?

[Who READS??]

shock it 2 me

[The only reason Emil is even trying to help with the livestock problem is because... well. Honestly, it's because the thought of sad farm animals made him deeply upset and he was compelled to come help. What this means for the job, however, is that an overly-emotional tiny dude has become attached to at least one farm animal (like, a cute baby goat, probably) in between complaining about how the animals seem to want to follow him around and chew on various bits of his clothing.

And then, tragedy of tragedies, his favorite baby goat goes missing and he is deeply distraught. Now, at last, he is inspired to take action.

Of course, he's terrible at Craft, so his misguided attempts to do anything resembling an electric fence keep ending with him giving himself a huge dose of static electricity. Is nothing easy?]

stylish yet irresponsible use of stipend

[Or: who blew their whole stipend on clothes instead of budgeting for food? This guy. On the one hand, he can dress like a local on a whim now! That's exciting! The clothes aren't incredibly great, but they're not terrible. He's managing.

He's also incredibly hungry, which is starting to get embarrassing hours and hours after breakfast. Please feed him, or at least humor him when he very abruptly begins a Casual Conversation (hint: he's bad at this one):]

How do people get jobs here? Just wondering.

misc

[hello what do you want to do? i'm probably on board with it. you can send me a pm or pp to jojoveller with ideas or just tag wildly!! dark knights is the only job emil won't do... and for my own sake i'd like to limit job threads to 2 per job so i can handle them!! thank you

feel free to find him being terrible at magic practice or whining about morning training, etc, i am really open.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Like Lalli enjoys sorting through paperwork any more than Emil does? Like Lalli enjoys reading? The only reason he's here... is because Emil is here, honestly, but that doesn't mean that he's going to be helpful; while Emil is tossing paper left and right, Lalli is just, you know, slumped over the back of a nearby chair, watching his friend do this thing through half-lidded eyes. Maybe he should nap...

Or maybe he shouldn't, because there Emil goes... doing that talking thing again...]

No. [He eyes that mountain of complaints, frowning.] That's why there's so much now.

[Lalli Facts™! But seriously, just shove them in a drawer or something.]

[Lalli is the worst assistant in history, which Emil anticipated, but somehow still finds himself dully surprised by. This guy... sitting over there, not helping at all...]

We're supposed to be looking at them, Lalli.

[Somehow, Emil is convinced they're going to be paid for this. He's not ready to be disappointed, but he will be. He looks down at his stack of still unread complaints, then at the one he tried in vain to shove at Lalli earlier...]

Did you put some of your pile into mine?

[Oh, right—"his" pile! The pile he took one look at and never even touched. Is this laziness, or pettiness fueled by that one (1) time Prince Loren lectured him? Hmm!]

Pfh.

[That's a No and a What do YOU think, all rolled into one, because he's not moved for the past, like, ten minutes.]

You're just going too slow. Read faster, [orders the person who is neither reading nor helping. He's Supervising.]

[Lalli! The point is to help Emil specifically, come on.]

Speak for yourself, you're not reading at all. If you didn't want to help, you didn't have to come.

[Except that Emil would have been fussy about it, so in that sense, yes he did have to come. He could stand to be even 5% helpful, though. Emil is just staring at his latest complaint, not even reading it now, just looking... he sighs. Dreadful!!]

Lalli, please help with this.

[Reading isn't really his forte! He tagged along because Emil just so happens to be his friend, and what does he get in return? Emil sighing and politely asking for his assistance.

...Ugh. He'd prefer to let the resident scholar handle this, thanks, but after a good thirty or so seconds of nothing—FINE! He stretches an arm out just far enough to swipe a few pieces of paper from "his" pile and proceeds to (slowly) skim through them. So-and-so's cat went missing... someone broke every window of a landen-owned home... a tipster swears that a landen baker is mixing sawdust into the bread he sells to Bloods and charging them twice the price...]

...Stupid.

[That's Lalli's opinion as he waves these complaints in the direction of the Not So Bad pile. It's too far away! Assist HIM, Emil!!]

These people should take care of their own problems.

[A miracle, Lalli is doing something helpful with only minimal whining from Emil... He's satisfied enough by this to look back to his own pile, still unimpressed by them - vandalism here, supposed theft there, even a particularly petty one about how early in the morning a competitor restaurant is opening to "steal customers." Lame.

So, like, Lalli has a point? Emil doesn't disagree! But they're already here, so.]

Well, probably. [Sorting, sorting... it takes him a moment to notice Lalli is being turbo lazy, then he reaches over to take the papers from him and do the actual sorting work himself anyway. Thanks, Lalli.]

I don't know what these people expect this Loren person to do about some of this. Does he just do errands? I don't understand this city.

[Hey, he did his part! Even if... looking at three whole complaints before passing them off isn't really that helpful, but listen, he's, um. He's trying. Kind of. He even reaches out to grab a few more slips of paper, but is he going to look at them right away? No. Let his poor eyes rest...

Anyway, as someone who has briefly met said Loren person: TCH.]

He tries to scare people? And he makes things disappear. He's weird. [It's clearly not personal. Like, no way.] Everyone here is weird.

[He looks down at his handful o' complaints, feeling like they definitely prove his point even though he has yet to read them. Hmm!]

We should throw these away.

[Lalli!!]

[Learn to read more than 5 sentences at a time, Lalli. Not that Emil is really burning through requests here - he's honestly not that far ahead, if only because he's spent the bulk of his time a) whining, or b) staring at Lalli until he helped. Still.

Now then, that's an oddly specific grievance with this Loren guy... What did Lalli Do??]

I don't think we're allowed to do that. [Does he need to take those papers away before they get tossed into the trash? Behave.] What do you mean, he tries to scare people? What did I miss?

[Tell him the drama, he craves it.]

[Let him be lazy in peace, Emil! Gods! But if he's not allowed to toss them into a wastebasket, at least he can drop them into the seat of this chair he's completely taken over. Goodbye, wastes of paper... watch him scowl at them as they slowly flutter downward...]

Mrh...

[He doesn't want to talk about that first breakfast, but! Fine.]

Someone wouldn't leave me alone! An idiot. He spilled coffee on me, and then he tried to pour porridge on me, but I was too fast. [Is there a split-second pause here? Yep. Praise him, tbh.] Then he showed up and made everything... cold? And he was rude. I didn't like him.

[And absolutely none of it was Lalli's fault, The End. How he has suffered...]

[Lalli!! That's still something someone- read: Emil- has to pick up later! Ugh! He frowns at this, but he's going to finish with the rest of his own pile before he deals with Lalli's nonsense. At least, his paper nonsense, because he is listening attentively to Lalli's breakfast nonsense.]

Someone just spilled coffee on you for no reason? [Like, Lalli is a soup-throwing grump, but he doesn't talk to strangers so Emil tentatively believes that he was coffee-attacked for no good reason. See this? This is faith.] Some sick old person kept telling me they're running out of food here and I should appreciate the terrible breakfast they serve more.

[This he delivers with only the slightest eyeroll, since there's a point there, but he's mostly bringing it up to serve as an understanding about angry adults and their food problems here. He and Lalli are not adults, that's ridiculous.

More importantly:] Who tried to pour porridge on you? Did you get him back?

[Yes, coffee was definitely spilled on him for no real reason at all, which is why he huffs and, like, lifts his chin the slightest bit. Only one person in this world is allowed to do wild things like throw food at people, and that's him.

Anyway, Lalli... vaguely remembers someone fitting that description? That old man snapped at him, too, but it's far less important than the terrible person who tried to dump a bowl of porridge onto his head.]

I don't know him! He looked like—

[Lalli closes his eyes, face screwing up as he tries to recall Haein's ugly face. It's hard? He rarely pays attention to the people around him, but after a few seconds—there you go, Emil! He mentally transmits a rough-looking image of his tormentor without even asking if that's an okay thing to do, because magic... is helpful. Get used to it, buddy.]

Like that. [HMPH. His eyes slide back open.] I threw bread at him. He wasn't fast, but then that other person showed up. Loren.

[He also threw milk at Haein, which Haein cleverly blocked with a shield, but! Who needs to know that!]

[Ask for people's names! Not that Emil did this with everyone either, but god— he's never going to be used to this psychic power thing, especially if Lalli now has the ability to spam random people's faces directly into his mind. Warn a guy! He makes a brief noise of surprise, then shakes his head like that's going to clear out the image faster.

Magic complaint shelved, though, because of this asshole.]

I met that guy, too— I'm glad somebody threw bread at him. He's terrible.

[They're both going to be banned from mealtimes at this rate. That's fine! Haein deserves a good mug to the face.]

[Telepathy is a helluva thing! The more Lalli uses it, the more he likes it, so hey... get used to this, Emil. And also talk mad shit about this person they both apparently dislike, because this? This is why exactly Lalli tolerates Emil more than any other person. Emil gets it. ...Sometimes.

But now that Emil has reaffirmed that Lalli totally did the right thing—thanks, bud—he's fully prepared to be petty for the foreseeable future. Watch out, Haein...]

He is. I don't like him.

[He hopes he drowns in porridge, honestly, but he looks back down at the complaints he tossed into the chair and... kind of... stretches an arm out to see if he can snag one. Nope? Perfect. He's free to complain and do zero (0) work for at least a few more minutes.]

You should have thrown something at him, too.

[Telepathy is terrible and he's shocked every time. He needs a mental ringtone, or he just needs to learn how to mute everyone who isn't Lalli. Then get a mental ringtone for Lalli.

Perfect. He appreciates that paltry effort to almost try helping out more, thanks. That earns Lalli a raised eyebrow, but that's it. Take those no work minutes and make them count.]

Hmm, maybe. I was hungry, even if the food was terrible. Next time I'll have to, and it won't be my fault!

[Hmph!!]

[Look at your friend, Emil... still slumped over the back of this chair, both arms reaching down toward the paper that's only, like, two inches out of reach as he tries to keep himself perfectly balanced...]

Mmh. Good. [A pause as a finger just grazes the paper, and then—] He deserves it.

[Somewhere halfway across the city, Loren just felt the urge to shake his head for no real reason. But actually, now that Lalli thinks about it...]

He should be the one reading all of these.

[Because this is TORTURE.]

[Lalli's quest to do no work looks like it's taking more effort than Emil barely doing anything, right now... Keep up the good non-work?

Whatever, though. The next time Loren isn't around, they can obnoxiously waste more food. Definitely a good plan.]

He'd throw out more than you. [Because he's super mean!!] Although I haven't seen a single emergency yet in any of these...

[Pitiful... He doesn't want to be here all day.]

Do you think if we pick just one and handle it, we'll be excused from this?

[They should all be thrown out, in Lalli's humble opinion, but he'll stop being dumb long enough to actually consider that question. Is that all they have to do in order to peace out? Have they—well, has Emil been reading sorting these for no real reason? Ugggggh.]

I don't know. You wanted to do this.

[Like, he's just saying? Surely Lalli didn't agree to help Loren out with this stuff, but, uh, being out there sounds better than being trapped in here, so.]

...Is there one that's not stupid?

Edited (he's dumb) 2019-03-05 03:43 (UTC)

[Lalli is part of this team, so he has to put up with Emil's compulsive empathy until it abruptly wears off, like right now. Is there one that's not stupid... hmm... objectively speaking, of course, but with pettiness factored in - enh.]

That depends on you. [Anything that involves human interaction is immediately out... He's generous. "What do you want to do" is the wrong question, so-] Did you see any that look easy? There's always... collecting boards to fix a broken fence?

[That sounds boring, but also like it will take an hour and then they can leave. And not talk to anyone!]

[It depends on... his excellent judgment? Of course it does. Hunting down lumber doesn't sound particularly exciting, especially if one considers actually carrying said lumber around, but—pfft. At least it's something to do! Outdoors. Farewell, complaints that Lalli tossed into this chair; as he finally straightens up and falls lightly to his feet, he promptly forgets all about them.]

...Hrmh. [A noise that's cut short by a yawn as he thinks back to his... three options.] Maybe. It's better than looking for a cat.

[Just barely, though. Just barely. But if Emil decides he'd rather hunt down a hissing animal, then Lalli will, of course, go along with it. He's just along for the ride! It's why he's giving Emil an expectant sort of look.]

[For god's sake Lalli, don't just leave those on the chair. Emil will take care of them in a second when he's done with his last-minute sorting over here, but god. Please.

Looking for a cat sounds like.... running, and Emil is much more interested in carrying things that don't run away. It's not even a choice!]

What? I don't want to chase a cat around. [They're going to collect boards and that's that. He waves a hand at Lalli's pathetic no-work chair.] Give me those.

[They're all going on the "just stop writing in with these stupid complaints" pile, then they can Go.]

[Emil comes through yet again! ...And then ruins it by making Lalli actually clean up after himself, but all in all, scooping up these sheets of paper and passing them over to Emil is a small price to pay. No more reading! No more stuffy office! He's not, you know, peppy when they finally step out into the hallway, but at least he no longer looks like he's five seconds away from falling asleep. This is progress.

But oh, wait—let him turn back and study Emil. Hmm.]

Do you know where to go?

[His tone is... so doubtful...]

[Doing Lalli's work for him grumble mumble this guy... Emil is deftly handling this, barely giving the papers a glance before setting them down on the sorted piles and immediately forgetting about them. He trusts Lalli's judgment, which is obviously his fatal flaw, but never mind! It's boards time.

But, ah-?]

Noooo...? That's what I have you for.

[Congratulations, Lalli, now you do have to work! Scout for boards! Emil holds up the fence repair paper and wiggles it at him significantly; here you go! Do your thing!!]

You can find a good place with free boards in no time, yes? I believe in you!

[...Well, scavenging for useful stuff is a thing Lalli can do, especially when Emil makes it sound less like a favor for Loren and more like an actual scouting assignment. Of course Emil believes in him? Relies on him? He's the absolute best at what he does, so...]

Aha.

[So. Stop waving that paper around and follow him out into the street, where a sizable crowd is apparently waiting for Loren to show his face. They submitted complaints days ago, you see! Their complains are important! Someone needs to assist them at once!

...Yeah, no. Lalli takes one look at that (loud) mess and turns right away from it. Time to jog over to one of the many abandoned, rundown parts of this city—until Emil, like, passes out on the sidewalk and/or gets captured by that crowd of complainers, but whatever! Lalli's on a mission.]

[Emil has learned the secret to get Lalli to do things: praise and reducing it to running around. Like, he means all of his dopey praise - of course he relies on Lalli, and believes in him, and all of that sappy junk!! But also: neat.

So here they go!! Emil is indeed set upon by people in the crowd, if only because he makes eye contact for more than a few seconds, but somehow he manages to duck under enough arms to get out of there and follow Lalli. ...At a distance, but in his defense, that's only partly because he's slow.]

Lalli— [man you know what, he will puff along at his own pace, he's earned this] I'll catch up! In- in a minute!

[It Would Be Several Minutes Actually]

[In a minute, he yells, even though Lalli turns, like, two whole corners before he realizes that Emil is somewhere far, far behind him. Jeez. He could keep hurrying along at his current pace and wait for Emil to find him on his own, but... aw, who is he kidding. Emil would definitely wind up standing in an alley somewhere, so it's time for Emil's favorite form of communication.]

Right at the fork. Then go left. [A beat, and then, because he just can't help himself:] You're slow.

[Stuuuupid. There's the slightest hint of exasperation in that mental voice of his, and yet, when Emil finally closes some distance—here's Lalli, standing on the corner of another street as he waits for Emil to catch the fuck up. The things he does for this friendship!!]

i'm here for secretary emil

emil staples his sleeve to the desk

lalli rips the sleeve trying to free him... a tragedy

he spent literally all of his money on that sleeve

time for emil to learn how to SEW

gonna sew so many bows

emil's f/w 2019 collection sounds tacky

maybe so!

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